Random Smiles

Ice-Breakers

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple: I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She explained to her mother, “Anthony proposed to me an hour ago.” “Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked. “Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell!”

Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is.”

Never laugh at your wife's choices... you're one of them.

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

God must love the common people, he made so many of them

Budget: A method for going broke methodically

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

Every man/woman should marry – After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems…but then again, neither does milk.

Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

Team work is greatly desirable; you can always put the blame on someone else.

I work to buy a car to go to work.

Remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them...

Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only thing I hate more than having a dirty house is cleaning.

Death need not concern us because when we exist death does not, and when death exists we do not.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

How to differentiate between countries fast:

In an underdeveloped country, don't drink the water; in a developed country, don't breathe the air.

In capitalist country man exploits man; communist one is the exact opposite.

Is Marxism-Leninism scientific? No, surely not.  It is yet to be tested on animals.

Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light?

Take my advice — I'm not using it.

All lunatics, but he who is able to analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are on a camping trip.

In the middle of the night, Holmes nudges Watson awake, and says, "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions of stars, my dear Holmes."

"And what do you infer from these stars?"

"Well, a number of things," he says, lighting his pipe:

Astronomically, I observe that there are millions of galaxies and billions of stars and planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I expect that the weather will be fine and clear.

Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful, and man, his creation, small and insignificant.

What about you, Holmes?"

"Watson, you fool. Someone has stolen our tent!"

Why people demand freedom of speech?

As a compensation for the freedom of thought which they might have to use, otherwise.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.